The Things That Don't Seem To Matter

I'm sitting in my kitchen, listening to the rain, drinking a cup of coffee and thinking about your last letter. And about anger. I have so many conflicting feelings about your letter. 1 am heartbroken for you - I remember what it was to be that angry all the time and it was horrible, heart wrenching. I don't want that for you. I am proud of you -  I want you to always fight the good fight. Be angry. Be outraged. The world deserves our outrage right now. I'm sad for you - I know that this must bring up feelings of self-doubt, especially around your wedding and your husband's family (as far as I am concerned, they can bite me; but you know I'm always on Team Claire). I know that these judgments are sometimes personal and bitter, making you doubt the very core of yourself and the things that make you happy. Screw them. You guys had your wedding on your terms. Couples spend their whole lives wishing they got to have that. I'm over-protective on your behalf...

So this week, I'm thinking about judgment. Turns out, my husband's family is very, very upset with us for not having a wedding. Even worse, they don't know that we got married six months before he told them we got married. Further , apparently, because he spent more time with Jim and Paula and the rest of my family last Christmas than he did with his own family, I'm a horrible person. Turns out, the whole result of this is a judgment on me. I am apparently a bad influence, someone who is taking their son and grandson away from them (even though the military did that years  ago.) So, along with the harassment I've received from sharing my story of sexual assault online, it's been an exhausting few weeks for me. But here's the ultimate thing: why does anyone care what I do with my own damn life ? I am grateful every day that we didn't have a wedding. For some people, that's a beautiful and touching moment, shared with friends and family, and ...